A long, long time ago, when I first started keeping a blog, I had a tagline to go with the name I came up with. When I first started this blog its official name was “YoBrando.com –Blogging What Happens Between Paychecks”.

I was going for dry, CNN-appropriate candor at the time.

As cute and witty as I thought tagline was , I ultimately scrapped it because everyone seemed to be doing taglines on their blogs (sorry, but this bitch sets trends, honey) and, as much as the tagline rolled off the tongue, I really didn’t like what it said about me. “Blogging what happens between paychecks” made my life seem a bit…I dunno, empty? Devoid of any worthwhile activities? A life so dull that the only highlights were, indeed, the semimonthly paycheck that was only a stone’s throw above minimum wage?

So I got rid of the tagline, with the hopes that my posts would blend together and tell the tale of a life richly lived – full of excitement and adventure and a drunken romp or two…hundred. Full of learning and happiness and anger and, Lord willing, maybe even a few book reviews.

But, even though I scrapped that tagline over a year ago, it’s still with me. And while it’s not up on the front page of my blog, photoshopped with a chic eye right next to my title, I still see it. When I tell people that I keep a blog, it still slips out of my mouth when I tell them the name.

Why? Because despite how long it has taken me to admit it, that tagline was born of my gut instinct. It was the first tagline that came to mind. And while I don’t usually go with my gut instincts, my gut instincts are usually always right.

My life is a little empty. It’s not crammed full of worthwhile, left-field activities that make great stories to tell. My life right now isn’t particularly funny or warm, or even dark and dramatic. There are no fiery romances or haphazard romps with men of the moment. My life is just there. Like that last pancake on your plate when you’ve already had seven.

Yeah, seven. You can diet all you want.

As much as I don’t want to accept it, my life does just boil down to stuff that happens between paychecks. It’s split between home, an unsatisfying job (unsatisfying if for no other reason than it’s not what I want to do for the rest of my life), and occasional forays to the bar. Nothing that I would call exciting. Nothing that I can look forward to when I wake up in the morning.

Nothing at all like I want my life to be.

I came to this realization gradually, like a series of hors d’oeuvres that lead up to a grand course of what the fuck am I doing with my life? They were little things, like one of my roommates possibly moving out and starting the next chapter of her life; my other roommate, best friend, and former partner in singledom entering a relationship that quickly turned quite serious; and an ever growing string of friends and coworkers who, at random and seemingly with little effort, just up and deciding to leave the country.  Normally, these happenings around me wouldn’t be enough to shake me…that is, until I’m asked the question, “So, what have you been up to lately?”

Then the reality of my life, in comparison to the rest of my peer group, hits me.

Nothing. I’m up to nothing.

I go to work. I work my shift. Once that’s done, I go home. Occasionally, there’s a detour to Chipotle, or a trip to my local bar if it’s a Wednesday (when my roommates and I go out). Other than that, I’ve been doing work and home, as I’ve always been doing.

But hey! I do keep a blog. It’s www.yobrando.com…Blogging what happens between paychecks…

And you can feel sad for me if you want. Lord knows for a while I did. But, you know what? I didn’t write this blog post to be pitied. Hell, I didn’t even write it because I haven’t updated in almost three months. I wrote it because I want to be empowered. Empowered by the energy I feel when I can look at my own situation squarely for what it is and take action.

Last month, it was a customer who asked me what I had been up to lately and broke the camel’s back. And when I realized the woefully pathetic state I was in, I was forced to think long and hard about my life, and about the choices I was and wasn’t making.

When I was a kid growing up in a Southern Baptist church (don’t judge me), there was a saying that my pastor often used that has stayed with me even today: don’t block your blessing. Now, I’m no longer a very religious person (Jesus and I are having a very awkward phase in our ongoing relationship), but that saying has stuck with me because it’s one of the few Christian sayings that really puts the work in your hands. It’s not about faith, or asking God to give you something, or simply praying for things to turn out alright.

No, that saying is all about doing. If you want good to happen to you, don’t do anything that would block it. Don’t let action, or even inaction, keep the blessing from your life.

If I want my life to be exciting, funny, and romantic I can’t just sit here and wait for it all to come for me. I can’t waste time feeling bad for the state of my life and what isn’t happening for me.

I have to take stock of my life, what it is that I want, what I want to achieve, and I have to start doing.

Because, as they say, when God shuts a door he opens a window…but opening that window is pointless if all I’m going to do is stand there staring at that closed door all damned day. If I want my life to be something more, lamenting the fact that it’s not something more isn’t going to change anything. I have to get the fuck out there and Do.

And once I realized this, I decided to start small.

I want to go back to school, and early this year I started paying back my student loans, so this is only a matter of time and little more planning.

Well, what else is there? It wasn’t difficult to figure out. I wanted some excitement back in my life. I wanted to be doing something, so that when a regular customer came into my coffee shop and asked me what I had been up to, I would have something to tell them.

And so I auditioned for the Philadelphia Gay Men’s Choir, and I got in.

That may seem pretty random, but trust me it isn’t. Maybe you have to live or work with me to know that I enjoy singing, a lot…and at awkward times…with awkward song choices. I’ve even been told that I can carry a tune. And I’ve wanted to join PGMC ever since I moved to Philadelphia and discovered its existence three years ago. But, for some reason or other, come audition time I would always chicken out. Though the excuses would always be different, at their core they were the same: I was always waiting for some magical moment when everything would align, and I would be able to walk into that audition without fear and belt out “I Will Always Love You” so effortlessly that I would be begged to join the choir in a position of immediate esteem. In a sense, I was waiting for the choir to come to me. I was letting my inaction block my blessing.

And the new me who sees his life for what it is can’t have that.

So I forgot the nervousness (or, at least, realized that I would just have to cope with it); I stopped over-thinking it and making it this big production, and I just did it. On audition day I walked right on over from work to the church where the auditions were being held. I stood in line without even realizing that I needed an appointment, and when the choir director allowed me to try out I marched right over to his piano and belted out…”My Country Tis of Thee.”

And I didn’t “belt” it so much as I struggled to keep up with him in the key he was playing it in.

But I got in, and starting next week I can no longer work Wednesday nights.

Go on, ask me why.

Why, you ask? Because I have rehearsals on Wednesday nights.

Seriously, I haven’t experienced the sensation of “looking forward to…” something this strongly in a really long time. And this is just the tip of the iceberg, and all because I accepted what I let my life become and channeled the energy from that realization into making a change.

Not to pat myself on the back, but…go me.

Tagged as: advice, My life